The Edges of Normal

the best people in my life are artists
ms gwen, maggie, re, vera, molly, cree, zoia, ms anne,
some of them support themselves and some of them don't
why can't i accept this in my girlfriend?
i'm not repeating my mother's failures
i am not my mother.
and i'm not repeating my childhood.
i'm older now.
i love her and i want to support her. and she might need me to support her.
she might not be able to support me in the same financial way.
she would support me in different ways - emotionally, socially, acceptance, love
it would be different than when i was in high school because i would be choosing to support someone.
the choice has all the power.
i am not repeating my life by being with her.
i would be choosing to do this with her and choosing to do it differently than before.
i cannot be a victim of my choices.
i must accept responsibility for my choices.
i chose to give her that loan. that loan is my responsibility.
i chose to tie us together, so i can't be a victim of my choice.
i cannot be a victim of my choice to potentially need to support her and help her if she needed it.

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