(no subject)
Oct. 25th, 2010 09:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
outofsynchi never set my altar back up when i moved.
i never unpacked my life or put myself into my living quarters. it's like who i am is still in boxes waiting to be unpacked and settled.
how's that for an analogy?
it's funny how the most mundane decisions can have such important impacts sometimes.
maybe if i'd kept my life going and displayed myself in my rooms the way i did in my apartment i wouldn't have let go of so much.
maybe i wouldn't have lost that part of me if i didn't leave it in a box after i moved.
but i moved in 2008 - i have to remember that. it'll be 3 years in february.
3 years without my altar or reminders of my spiritual journey. and the fighting and the bickering didn't start until 2009. the chances of it being completely related are slim.
still. i left part of myself some where and i lost it.
i think what i need for myself is to maintain my spirituality in my relationships, and to share it with the people i want to share my life with.
you can't know who i am if you don't know where these influences on my life are coming from.
i need time for me.
i need time for class
i need time for work
and i need time for zoe - if it's going to work at all.
i need to find a way to balance all of it, or none of it will work.
i feel less of a time constraint now.
i feel more able to move in my life. less like i'm striving under a burden that i need to maintain. i don't know why i would think of having her in my life as a burden though.
i know i don't have to try and make a living situation work any more.
i don't have to make time to see her or spend time with her while i try to get my classes done.
i'm not trying to squeeze her into a schedule that isn't working.
and i have time for me.
i still spend more time thinking about her and what i've lost than i do my classes, but at least the thinking is spending time with myself.
i need to go to school though and print articles for my paper. i've got about a month left before i need to write it and i still don't have a good direction.
i never unpacked my life or put myself into my living quarters. it's like who i am is still in boxes waiting to be unpacked and settled.
how's that for an analogy?
it's funny how the most mundane decisions can have such important impacts sometimes.
maybe if i'd kept my life going and displayed myself in my rooms the way i did in my apartment i wouldn't have let go of so much.
maybe i wouldn't have lost that part of me if i didn't leave it in a box after i moved.
but i moved in 2008 - i have to remember that. it'll be 3 years in february.
3 years without my altar or reminders of my spiritual journey. and the fighting and the bickering didn't start until 2009. the chances of it being completely related are slim.
still. i left part of myself some where and i lost it.
i think what i need for myself is to maintain my spirituality in my relationships, and to share it with the people i want to share my life with.
you can't know who i am if you don't know where these influences on my life are coming from.
i need time for me.
i need time for class
i need time for work
and i need time for zoe - if it's going to work at all.
i need to find a way to balance all of it, or none of it will work.
i feel less of a time constraint now.
i feel more able to move in my life. less like i'm striving under a burden that i need to maintain. i don't know why i would think of having her in my life as a burden though.
i know i don't have to try and make a living situation work any more.
i don't have to make time to see her or spend time with her while i try to get my classes done.
i'm not trying to squeeze her into a schedule that isn't working.
and i have time for me.
i still spend more time thinking about her and what i've lost than i do my classes, but at least the thinking is spending time with myself.
i need to go to school though and print articles for my paper. i've got about a month left before i need to write it and i still don't have a good direction.
