repairing things - a little
Oct. 9th, 2010 03:57 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
i asked my mother tonight about whether it was possible to respect my own values and things I want from myself and still respect someone else for not sharing my values.
i asked her how i could do that.
she said it was a good question and that there were many different ways to go through life and that since no one really knows the right way, no one should be afraid to do what they see as their goals and their methods.
she agreed that just because one person, may have had a bad experience with a choice doesn't mean another person will have the same experience.
i appologized to her for resenting her for the choices she made in her life that i saw as affecting me.
and i appologized for the hatred that i've had for those choices.
i told her that i needed to accept that she produces something people value on a social and emotional level and that those values are possibly more important than financial ones, but certainly not less.
i asked my mom where my resistance to drugs comes from. i told her i blamed her and i asked her about the questions zoe's asked me regarding why it has to be such a black and white line.
she agreed that it was her fault.
she said that she came from a time when she saw drugs prevent people from acting in the world as employees and spouses, and parents.. and she saw them destroy their lives by the habits because they did them frivioulously and did not treat them with the respect that other cultures have treated them.
i mentioned that some of my friends have asked me to explore this black and white rule and to determine why i reject drugs that are used as shamnistic tools in other countries.
she said that her experiences have given her reasons to think people just want an ok to do an activity and to believe that it isn't harming them because she said it was ok.
i asked her why it was ok for other cultures to do these vision drugs but not americans who prescribe to the practices.
she said that americans, in general, don't respect the drugs or take on the full responsibilities of the religion they are borrowing from. she said that americans tend to pick and choose what they want to take from a particular spiritual path and leave the rest that requires work, and respect, and caution.
but what i got from the conversation is that she was giving us rules that she made for herself based on her experiences with people and life.
but her experiences are singular to her and the people who were in her life at that time. i am free to make my own judgments and my own decisions about life and drugs and sex based on my experiences and what i have seen.
and i have not seen people made incapacitated by their drug use.
i have not seen people who were not careful and who did not have goals loftier than their using.
i have not seen people who were addicted to the substances, and the people i have added to my life have been wary of addictive substances.
this may be partly because i have not accepted recreational drug use as an "ok" thing.
zoe believes that she has her goals under control. she believes she respects the things she wants to use and she does not see them as something to do casually or frequently.
it is something to explore.
do i want my mother's experiences with drugs to be the only experience that effects my life and shapes my perspective of people and their choices?
i scheduled a weekly saturday conversation with my mom to try and get to know her better and to let go of the hatred and bitterness i have held because she is an artist and follows an artistic path for her life.
my mother says that mamaw did not value people for the money that they made, she valued people for who they were and how they loved and other intrisic qualities - whether or not they were a good person.
that's the value set my mother adopted because mamaw was her main source of love.
she says my value of money sounds very much like nana - that is something she does and susie and mark
she says she struggles with accepting that parts of society look at artists and see no value in what they produce because it is not financial.
she says that it is good to want to accept that society does these things and to do something different in the face of it. to not let society effect or change my values of people and what they do because they have more social and emotional worth than finacial worth.
i asked her how i could do that.
she said it was a good question and that there were many different ways to go through life and that since no one really knows the right way, no one should be afraid to do what they see as their goals and their methods.
she agreed that just because one person, may have had a bad experience with a choice doesn't mean another person will have the same experience.
i appologized to her for resenting her for the choices she made in her life that i saw as affecting me.
and i appologized for the hatred that i've had for those choices.
i told her that i needed to accept that she produces something people value on a social and emotional level and that those values are possibly more important than financial ones, but certainly not less.
i asked my mom where my resistance to drugs comes from. i told her i blamed her and i asked her about the questions zoe's asked me regarding why it has to be such a black and white line.
she agreed that it was her fault.
she said that she came from a time when she saw drugs prevent people from acting in the world as employees and spouses, and parents.. and she saw them destroy their lives by the habits because they did them frivioulously and did not treat them with the respect that other cultures have treated them.
i mentioned that some of my friends have asked me to explore this black and white rule and to determine why i reject drugs that are used as shamnistic tools in other countries.
she said that her experiences have given her reasons to think people just want an ok to do an activity and to believe that it isn't harming them because she said it was ok.
i asked her why it was ok for other cultures to do these vision drugs but not americans who prescribe to the practices.
she said that americans, in general, don't respect the drugs or take on the full responsibilities of the religion they are borrowing from. she said that americans tend to pick and choose what they want to take from a particular spiritual path and leave the rest that requires work, and respect, and caution.
but what i got from the conversation is that she was giving us rules that she made for herself based on her experiences with people and life.
but her experiences are singular to her and the people who were in her life at that time. i am free to make my own judgments and my own decisions about life and drugs and sex based on my experiences and what i have seen.
and i have not seen people made incapacitated by their drug use.
i have not seen people who were not careful and who did not have goals loftier than their using.
i have not seen people who were addicted to the substances, and the people i have added to my life have been wary of addictive substances.
this may be partly because i have not accepted recreational drug use as an "ok" thing.
zoe believes that she has her goals under control. she believes she respects the things she wants to use and she does not see them as something to do casually or frequently.
it is something to explore.
do i want my mother's experiences with drugs to be the only experience that effects my life and shapes my perspective of people and their choices?
i scheduled a weekly saturday conversation with my mom to try and get to know her better and to let go of the hatred and bitterness i have held because she is an artist and follows an artistic path for her life.
my mother says that mamaw did not value people for the money that they made, she valued people for who they were and how they loved and other intrisic qualities - whether or not they were a good person.
that's the value set my mother adopted because mamaw was her main source of love.
she says my value of money sounds very much like nana - that is something she does and susie and mark
she says she struggles with accepting that parts of society look at artists and see no value in what they produce because it is not financial.
she says that it is good to want to accept that society does these things and to do something different in the face of it. to not let society effect or change my values of people and what they do because they have more social and emotional worth than finacial worth.