(no subject)

[outofsynch]

i feel listless today
i just want to lay down somewhere and not be anyone.
i want to sit on a porch with my lover and watch the wind in the trees.

we belong together
but not as we are right now
change is painful
and growth hurts
and i want to sit down with you and tell stories and make each other laugh and forget about the world for a day.

but not right now.

and right now.

and i wish that we were different people so that we could be together and laugh and be happy without the rest of the world encroaching on our life as it did before
but right now we are the same
and right now we need to change
and change hurts.

hurts like the missing piece of you that is me
hurts like the vague lack of purpose and desire i once had
hurts like the isolation i feel when i look for you and you aren't there
hurts like the giving i can't give because you aren't there to take
hurts like the holidays that i can't spend with you
hurts like the plans i have to re-plan because they once included you.
change hurts.

and growth is painful
and pain is giving and re-newing and maybe, maybe, one day we can change into people who can be together the way that we belong together
and the way that we fall into each other and the comfort of together when ever we are together