(no subject)
Oct. 21st, 2010 04:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
outofsynchmaggie, nikki, and re all agree that i am and can be a very rigid person. for them plans, expectations and decisions all get heavy doses of compassion for people when things come up, or things happen that mean things have to change. for them, it's about the person involved more than it's about the plans, or the expectations.
re says it doesn't occur to her to resent her mother for the plays she has to sit through because the plays aren't about re - they are about her mother and it is something her mother enjoys and something her mother values and 3 hours of re's time is worth seeing her mother happy and giving her mother that moment of value.
maggie says that when plans change, or people don't follow through on what I expect of them I already give them compassion and tact. I flex around the plans to make new ones without holding it against the person in question. But I need to be more consistent and more aware of situations when I start to get bogged down in how things aren't going the way I wanted them to go. I need more compassion in my expectations and plans.
i was thinking about the plans i had for living with zoe last night. how i had this idea of how things would work out - that she and i would live equally, and she would have to always pay her portion of the rent on time or things wouldn't work.
and i've always felt sick about that thinking - about that plan.
and last night it occured to me that there isn't any compassion in the way i'm thinking about it. there isn't any forgiveness or acceptance of zoe and where her life is right now. i'm not allowing my self to be flexible in my ideals and what i want.
the truth is that i need to give zoe, and who ever i live with, the compassion to be late because they got caught up in life. zoe has pulled through on what she says she's going to do. she might not have always been able to do it on time, but she has shows that she will do it. i am not the credit company and because i am human, and a person, i can give compassion where they can't. that makes me better than them in my capacity, but only if i use it.
zoe has struggled with maggie's cd and i have not appreciated or accepted the process that goes into those recordings. we've never really talked about the delays in the songs because the way i brought it up was never condusive to exploring the projects hurdles. i never understood that maggie wanted songs sung a specific way that zoe was having a hard time capturing - and i've never given appreciation or
compassion for the travel time, and labor time zoe was dedicating to other places in her life. sometimes projects don't have to be done. sometimes projects aren't capable of being finished due to circumstances and larger dedications of time than originally expected.
sometimes life happens - or work, or girlfriends - and projects get dropped. i told my roomate once that i felt guilty that maggie didn't get what she was promised in return for the tutoring she did for zoe. i felt like maggie gave that to zoe because i asked her to - so she did a favor for me - and didn't get what she asked for in return. maggie said that she does not hold it against me that zoe has not followed
through on this project, and she doesn't resent zoe for it either.
she has compassion for what she asked for and what she expected to receive.
nikki says that the flexibilty and forgiveness and compassion that my friends afford me when i am not flexible, is a quality that i value in them - and it's true. but that it is a quality that i am not developing in myself, and that is a sign of being lazy on my own development. i said that it wasn't something i needed to do because my friends love and accept me the way that i am.
nikki says i'm being lazy and not trying to develop in me those same qualities i value and benefit from in my friends.
nikki is right.
re says it doesn't occur to her to resent her mother for the plays she has to sit through because the plays aren't about re - they are about her mother and it is something her mother enjoys and something her mother values and 3 hours of re's time is worth seeing her mother happy and giving her mother that moment of value.
maggie says that when plans change, or people don't follow through on what I expect of them I already give them compassion and tact. I flex around the plans to make new ones without holding it against the person in question. But I need to be more consistent and more aware of situations when I start to get bogged down in how things aren't going the way I wanted them to go. I need more compassion in my expectations and plans.
i was thinking about the plans i had for living with zoe last night. how i had this idea of how things would work out - that she and i would live equally, and she would have to always pay her portion of the rent on time or things wouldn't work.
and i've always felt sick about that thinking - about that plan.
and last night it occured to me that there isn't any compassion in the way i'm thinking about it. there isn't any forgiveness or acceptance of zoe and where her life is right now. i'm not allowing my self to be flexible in my ideals and what i want.
the truth is that i need to give zoe, and who ever i live with, the compassion to be late because they got caught up in life. zoe has pulled through on what she says she's going to do. she might not have always been able to do it on time, but she has shows that she will do it. i am not the credit company and because i am human, and a person, i can give compassion where they can't. that makes me better than them in my capacity, but only if i use it.
zoe has struggled with maggie's cd and i have not appreciated or accepted the process that goes into those recordings. we've never really talked about the delays in the songs because the way i brought it up was never condusive to exploring the projects hurdles. i never understood that maggie wanted songs sung a specific way that zoe was having a hard time capturing - and i've never given appreciation or
compassion for the travel time, and labor time zoe was dedicating to other places in her life. sometimes projects don't have to be done. sometimes projects aren't capable of being finished due to circumstances and larger dedications of time than originally expected.
sometimes life happens - or work, or girlfriends - and projects get dropped. i told my roomate once that i felt guilty that maggie didn't get what she was promised in return for the tutoring she did for zoe. i felt like maggie gave that to zoe because i asked her to - so she did a favor for me - and didn't get what she asked for in return. maggie said that she does not hold it against me that zoe has not followed
through on this project, and she doesn't resent zoe for it either.
she has compassion for what she asked for and what she expected to receive.
nikki says that the flexibilty and forgiveness and compassion that my friends afford me when i am not flexible, is a quality that i value in them - and it's true. but that it is a quality that i am not developing in myself, and that is a sign of being lazy on my own development. i said that it wasn't something i needed to do because my friends love and accept me the way that i am.
nikki says i'm being lazy and not trying to develop in me those same qualities i value and benefit from in my friends.
nikki is right.
