vaccuum

i've been writing again.

let me know how this reads as a spoken word. I've got Ani in my head with her rhythms and intonations as it moves.
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i pushed myself so hard to bend i put myself into an emotional coma.
the effort of pushing this mountain of my mind that just won't bend was too much in the end
and i have fallen into the blissful numbness of emotional outer space.

i feel like i've let you down somehow
like i should be able to bend and not break
like i should be able to give this to you when there seems to be so much at stake.

but i couldn't,
and i can't
and the question becomes what do we do now?

the end just becomes the next step to move forward on,
and things that i needed in the beginning don't seem so sound now.
but what i need, and what you need,
seem to be on different plains
and given what has changed,
or not changed,
the vaccum of our future hangs

and
how we will fill it.