to my ex, whom i still love.

what i believe i need is financial stability and financial reliability. not a successful partner, but one i can rely on, solidly, day in and day out for a certain contribution to our financial responsibilities, and what that would mean for you is that, if it came down to a choice, you would have to choose making money over making art.
and i don't think that is a choice that is fair to you or what you want to do with your life.
i think you need someone who is ok with you being artsy, and flighty, and a little financially unstable.
and i think, that if you let me go, and let go of the idea that we are meant for each other, that you might find a woman who won't try to change who you are to meet her needs.
and you might find a partner who lets you be free, and lets you be who you are, without the fights, and the stress, and the worry about your futures.
i think i need more practicality than is good for you.
and i know i need a partner who is completely, 100%, satisfied with a life removed from drugs, no matter what the reasons, or rationales, there might be for using.

and i think, that when i can stop loving you so painfully; when i can stop wanting you with me to keep me safe from scary movies; when i can stop fighting myself about kissing you, or seeing you, or reasoning how to make us work;
i think that we can be good friends.
i think that we can respect each other, and who we are as people, when we aren't trying to meet our needs with each other, or making the other change to fit our needs.

i miss you, i love you.
i will always love you.
and i will try to respect you the best i can.