outofsynch: (Default)
i heard your happy now
got something you need
got something you want
got something you're enjoying

can we please start over
can we work it out
can we find a way to be together
and last forever
just give it one more try

i don't want to live without you
i don't want to breathe without you
there by my side

i just want to hold your hand
and take a stand
and be proud of who i am
and be with you

i heard you found someone to hold you
someone to support you
someone who can understand you
won't repremand you
and gives you what you need

can't we please start over
can we work it out
can we find a way to be together
and last forever
and give it one more try

can we please
outofsynch: (Default)
pain chokes me
and stops the breath in my lungs
so i take a pill
to keep the sadness at bay.

i walk again down empty halls
the memory just out of reach
the emptiness fills me
and i turn away
so the sadness will not find me.
outofsynch: (Default)
i held your hand through your troubled walks i guided you, encouraged you, supported you to become who you are i wanted you to be who you could be saw the beauty locked inside your fear wished for the woman i hoped to love to be strong enough to overcome but now the bridge is burned you stand on the other side with our history to guide you for someone else to love the woman you can become i held your hand through troubled waters i walked with you to your identity and showed you who to talk to and how to meet your needs and when you got strong enough to seek on your own you left me new friends, new circles, new adventures awaited and supported you to be on your own helped you believe you were better without me helped you believe you could do it without me and few but i know how far you've come the distance you've traveled the name you were called or the struggle it took for you to be who you are and few but i know what it took to watch you to push you to support you to encourage you and none but i know the failures the frustrations the depression of having to do so much so that you could be who you are so that you could seek on your own and continue without me


Dec. 18th, 2010 05:44 pm
outofsynch: (Default)
the end of a relationship is like loosing an arm.
you miss it - what it did for you, what you got to do with it.
and when your not looking, sometimes it still feels like its there, then you look, and you don't see it. you remember that it's gone and the pain of the loss is fresh again. You wish that you could stem the pain, stop the bleeding, stop remembering how you lost it, but you can't.
and you know that, with time, the pain will dwindle to an ache, you'll make due, fill the gap in your life where that arm use to be, find ways to work around its absence, find new ways to do old things. but how much time you'll need to get there isn't laid out for you. all the people who are there to help you can't tell you, or make it happen faster, or make it easier in the mean time.
so you just keep going, day to day, wishing the pain would stop, wishing you didn't miss it, wishing you didn't still try to do things with it, or expect it to be there - the way it always use to be there.
and sometimes it still bleeds a little, and sometimes i wish i could just put things back the way they use to be, except that i don't want things to be the way they use to be, i want things to be better, and stemming the flow of blood with a patch, trying to put it back together, doesn't actually fix anything. and so the only thing i can do is wait.
wait for the bleeding to stop, wait for the ache to come, wait to stop looking for her whenever something good happens or i want to do something fun, wait to stop missing the way she held me, wait to stop trying to call her when i get a chance to relax from my life. i just have to wait to stop wishing to share in her life or that she could share in mine.
outofsynch: (Default)
today i feel hopeful
where we might have a future together
where we might be able to work this out

today i feel hopeful
that our future contains more than friendship
that maybe, just maybe, we can be compatible.

today i feel hopeful
and it comes and goes in waves. up and down, like the ocean, like the tides, like the moon.

and i remember that we haven't started anything yet
i remember that we still have things to talk about
and i remember that we might not work this out beyond 'just friends'.
but today i feel hopeful

and today, at least for today, the emptiness in my arms and the kisses we aren't exchanging don't bleed my soul dry like the playa she found herself on.
and today the longing feels more like waiting, and i feel capable of making this journey alone
because today, i feel like i can come home to her arms and her smile when i'm through.
outofsynch: (Default)
i never set my altar back up when i moved.
i never unpacked my life or put myself into my living quarters. it's like who i am is still in boxes waiting to be unpacked and settled.
how's that for an analogy?

it's funny how the most mundane decisions can have such important impacts sometimes.
maybe if i'd kept my life going and displayed myself in my rooms the way i did in my apartment i wouldn't have let go of so much.
maybe i wouldn't have lost that part of me if i didn't leave it in a box after i moved.

but i moved in 2008 - i have to remember that. it'll be 3 years in february.
3 years without my altar or reminders of my spiritual journey. and the fighting and the bickering didn't start until 2009. the chances of it being completely related are slim.

still. i left part of myself some where and i lost it.

Read more... )


Oct. 23rd, 2010 11:13 pm
outofsynch: (Default)
i want to go to playa del fuego with her.
the night we were breaking up she was telling me about her experiences there.
about the self-expression and the love and the appreciation and i wanted to go.
i wanted to be a part of it.
and she was breaking up with me.

but i want to go.
i want to have that part of my life again.
i haven't had something like Y.O.U. since I left and i've missed that part of my life.

i also haven't given zoe a chance to meet that part of me and i think she needs to.
going to this would be the easiest and surest way to introduce her to the deepest part of who i am. the part i hide, and that i have spent time being ashamed of.
the truest nature, and the hardest to show.

i haven't let her get to meet me.
i haven't let myself be me in a while.

they have another conference next year, and i want to go.
i want a lot of things right now.

Read more... )


RSS Atom

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags


outofsynch: (Default)

April 2013


Most Popular Tags