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[personal profile] outofsynch
i learned something today.
something i hope to remember.
the relationship i had with my mom growing up was one where i took care of the morning things to get certain fuctions done.
i woke her up, made coffee, took care of breakfast etc.
and in return she tried to meet my wants and take care of my needs that i expressed.
to me this sounds like a good relationship. overall, we both gave to each other and we both received from each other.
we fought, we argued, we cried, we did our best for each other, we supported each other, and we stayed together for a long time.
if that was describing any other relationship except a mother-daughter one, it would be fine and sound like a decent relationship.
the tricky part begins because i was younger than i should have been for this kind of relationship, but that doesn't mean the relationship itself, the way it was constructed, at its core, was wrong or bad.

for a while now i've tried to think there was something wrong with that set-up, and i believed it was the relationship itself, instead of my age, and the mother-daughter dynamic. and i haven't given to others in a relationship that way because i've judged it poorly.

in the end, holding back from giving like that ultimately ruined me, every time. and i think, the next time i get a chance to do this whole relationship thing, i'll remember that giving and receiving and relying on each other is part of what makes a relationship good. and i do have a model for how to make it work. and this time, at this age, the context is proper for the content of the relationship.
that makes me hopeful now. that perhaps i can do this and make it work.
here's hoping i recall this, and am able to apply it.
here's hoping i'm also right.
and a guide through the murky waters of making a relationship last is always welcome, beneficial, and appreciated (if you're listening universe).

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April 2013


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